Wow - gooey cheese ...

The picture below still looks wonderful to me. Che-e-e-e-s-e ... !!! Num! A few months ago I had reached a point where I had never felt quite so out of control with food. I think back to when I was a teenager. I really did only eat when I was hungry for the most part. I was busy. If I was home too long it was - gotta go find something to do - even if it was just going for a walk across town. It's not like I had money to spend or anything. But I think I felt "home" was where you slept, showered, and got ready to go out. Or, "home" was where my friends came, where we pushed towels under the door, opened windows and smoked in my bedroom. We hung out.

Today, "home" is here, now, it's every day. I don't move, I don't go do things. Not even within the house! Man!

So again, I am trying something else (picture one of those old super balls bouncing from 'thing' to 'thing' to the next 'thing'!). My doctor says I am prediabetic. I am almost diabetic. My blood pressure is going up and so is my cholesterol. He hands me a 2 page diabetic diet but there is no information that really helps me coming from him. He just wants me to lose weight because that will fix everything! NO, yeah??? Geez.

What I have chosen to do this time, for this "thing" - is to find out about the gylcemic index and what it means for my health. I ordered a book. Then of course I couldn't let it go with just one book - I also ordered 2 books with diabetic recipes. None of it has be encouraged, I almost feel like I am giving in to something somehow. But - regardless, it's not a fad thing, not a diet pill thing, it's a life change. So far I haven't managed any great life changes recently so we will see.

I remember somebody telling me about smoking, the more times I tried to quit - the more I upped my chance of succeeding. And I did finally succeed. So maybe finding my food/diet thing will work this time. I mean hell - I've tried enough "things" to have success soon I think. I hope.