Have a little cheese with that whine??

Don't mind if I do, actually! I love cheese. Especially melted gooey cheese. Mmm-m-m.

I am frustrated. I was looking at pictures of entertainers, specifically women entertainers after babies. 2 babies, 3? No matter. Flat stomachs, no stretch marks, still sexy and beautiful. And they will say but oh - they work at it! Well yeah. I imagine they work out. With personal trainers and such. But they also have good genes. You cannot tell me that somebody like Angelina Jolie has trouble losing the weight after her babies. I mean - you can tell me that, but I'll call you a liar as quick as look at you.

These women are thin to begin with. What they work at is toning that thinness. I would settle for the thinness. Natural thinness. Never had it. Well, unless you're counting until I was about 8 years old. After that - never naturally thin. That's not to say I was never thin - but it was never natural and it was never lasting.

You have people who want to get in shape so they start running. Start off slow, doing a bit more every week. In a year they are running marathons. That wouldn't happen to me. If there were someone to make me do it every day, I would still never achieve a marathon. I MIGHT get up to a mile without stopping. Maybe. If somebody was pushing me to try every day. But I'm just not athletic. And I'm not buying it that anybody can be athletic.

I remember as a kid, noticing the differences between my body and my best friend Cindy's body. Mine was always rounder and softer and less defined. We were kids - we played outside, we ran and roller skated and played games. We did the same things. But physically - she was always more able than I was. More talented, more coordinated. She had an athletic build.

It used to be that we accepted those differences in people. We understood that no, not everyone can do ANYthing. It's simply not true. But now we say - if you work at it hard enough, you can run a marathon. Anyone can as long as there is no disability. So when that is the belief - conversely - if you can't run a marathon (wear a bikini, have a flat stomach . . .) you just aren't trying hard enough.

It's no wonder that after eating salads and making better food choices for months seems to make no difference - I comfort myself with Taco Bell. The thought process at that point is - well I don't lose weight eating good - why NOT just eat crap? Doesn't matter one way or another anyway!

I know. I know. It's not going to make a difference if I don't get my metabolism going. With Exercise. But it's so HARD to exercise when you're fat. And you know what else? I am whining about it and I don't care who thinks it's pathetic or that I'm lazy or whatever. I'm just so worn out from trying.

Doesn't mean I'll give up but for today - I just want to cry
about it.