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The second time was during a previous relationship - things weren't good and this guy kept me
unbalanced all the time, never let me know where I stood and somehow made his failings my fault. And he lied. About everything. It got to the point where I had so much anger and confusion and turmoil roiling around inside of me that I would come home from work, change my clothes and literally burst out the door to walk for an hour or more. Fast. It was the only way to get the demons out, and to keep from losing my ever lovin' mind.I wasn't in a good way.
But at 40 I was putting on a 2 piece bathing suit because of it so that made me happy!
And now? There is a girl I see on one of the side streets I drive down on my way to work in the morning. I noticed her in the fall. She was walking in the direction I was driving, with a purposeful stride and what looked like a laptop bag strapped across her body. She didn't quite look young enough to be a high school student. Was she a college student? She was always dressed casually. Every day I would see her and would make those little unbidden mental notes people do and I remember thinking "she's a little chubby." It wasn't a condemnation, it was more an observation, and sometimes I wondered if maybe she was athletic and was more muscular than chubby. Whatever, it really didn't matter to me.
She walked through the fall, the winter, the spring, and I've seen her all along. I guess I didn't think about her anymore other than "oh there's the girl." Until it got warm out. I happened to notice her one morning and I thought - "she must be down 2 pants sizes!" Then I started watching for her for a few days, just to see if it was the clothes, the lack of a jacket, or something other than losing weight. Whatever - she is recognizably thinner.
And I started to think - she did that by walking every morning, and I have no doubt every afternoon as well. Just walking to and from - wherever she goes. And I also wonder - was this her aim - or did she have to walk and weight loss is just a consequence. Who knows! But I realized that I could get out there and walk again. I haven't done it much at all since I broke my ankle on an ill-conceived February fog-walk. That was 10 years ago. Admittedly my ankle doesn't work quite as well as it used to, I don't know whether that is because of the metal in it - or because I'm 50. Doesn't matter. It works well enough.
When I've gone out there recently - it has felt good. Real good. It's worked before, and it's the only form of exercise I have ever stuck with for any length of time. Yes the Wii is fun, I will still do that. I will still eat well. And I'd really like to do yoga when I get rid of some of this uncomfortable belly fat. But for right now the goal is to get a walking routine down. I've been doing a mile and a half. Right now - that's good. I'm hoping to build up to more.
Maybe next time I see the girl I should wave, smile, or give her a thumbs up. She has no idea what she's done but she has inspired me.
