What do you do with a bunch of asparagus?

I'm not a cook, I've said that many times before. So staring at a bunch of fresh asparagus I didn't feel like roasting - I was at a loss. Yay interwebs!! I searched, found a recipe and made a frittata. And surprise, surprise - it was good!

Veggies simply aren't my favorite, but in order to keep my diabetes under control and to lose weight, I need to find a way to get more vegetables and fiber into my diet. And what can go wrong with eggs and cheese? Actually, nothing did. Even though you start a frittata in a frying pan and transfer the pan to the broiler, and I didn't know if my pan was oven-safe, it was okay. And I didn't have the kind of cheese the recipe called for and no fresh cilantro. I wouldn't know what fresh cilantro looked like if it jumped up and called my name. Still - I was impressed with my effort. Looks yummy, doesn't it? It was!

On another note - I've reached a milestone with my weight that I haven't seen in 4 years. I still have a long way to go but cutting out sugar and adding lots of fiber, fruits and vegetables has slowly been taking weight off.

Last doctor's visit he said if my glucose averages keep up the way they have been and I keep losing weight - he'll be able to take me off the diabetes meds. Best news I've had in a long time!

So yeah, I'll find ways to cook a bunch of asparagus if it keeps me headed in the right direction and on the road I need to be on.

Asparagus & Jack Cheese Frittata

High sugar, low mood

I've been poking my fingers and measuring my glucose twice a day for a week now. I've only had one relatively close to "normal" reading the whole time.

My doctor looked at my test results and said "I'm going to have to treat you. You know that, right? I'm going to have to treat you." He said it like it was a punishment, like I had done something wrong and I knew what he meant. My numbers wouldn't be where they are if I had just lost weight. I couldn't do it and now my numbers are high enough that he had no choice except to treat me as a diabetic.

It was much easier before I was actually diagnosed, to think I could eat like a diabetic. I wasn't checking my blood sugar, I wasn't aware of all the sugar in foods I eat every day or how many foods are high carb.

Since coming home with my meter and no instruction beyond some pamphlets and what I have read online I have gone through many emotions. Crying in the car on the way home from the doctor's office is where I started. From there I think I moved to defiance - oh yes I WILL eat this piece of candy! And today - well today I am just down.

A co-worker just called me and asked if she brought in homemade butternut squash soup, would I eat it? She talked about the anti-oxidants and how good it would be for me. I hung up the phone and teared up again. It's almost 7:30 and I haven't eaten any dinner because I keep thinking - well there isn't anything I can eat anyway!

But it's not just the foods I need to avoid. It's all the mixed messages and confusing information I am getting in trying to research diabetes on my own. I didn't know exercise can lower blood sugar - but can also raise it if you do too much. Sugar is the enemy but no - carbs are worse than sugar - eat natural foods, the less processed the better but wait - fruit is a carb .....

End result to all of this is that I am just plain overwhelmed. Overwhelmed, maybe a bit scared, and if I'm being truthful - angry with myself.

Grasping at straws ..

As much as I'd like to, I'm not sticking that straw into a thick chocolate shake. But I did eat some awesome deep dish Chicago pizza a couple of days ago. I knew I was going to have to give into the gooey cheese craving sooner or later.

I reward myself with food, I comfort myself with food. Rarely do I actually use food to nourish myself. My blood work says I'm pre-diabetic. I read somewhere that pre-diabetic is bullshit, pre-diabetic is diabetic. The damage to the pancreas has already begun.

I got to thinking about it and decided to learn me some about the glycemic index and how someone with diabetes should eat. My doctor just says - lose weight. Yeah. Thanks for the advice. So I ordered myself some books on following the glycemic index in order to eat well, and to learn to cook a diabetic diet. For some reason diabetes confuses me and since I am so close to having it, I had better start treating myself for it, in the only way I can. Diet.

And exercise. I know. For some reason I just seem to have a need for strict guidelines in my life and diet. I am trying desperately to give them to myself.

Considering this magazine - even if only for inspiration.