I LOVE this thing!!

I ordered this "Sunny Twist Stepper with Handle Bar" from Overstock.com. It was a tax return gift to myself. It was $108.00 with $1.00 shipping (the shipping is normally almost a whopping 3 dollars!) at Overstock. I ordered it without huge expectations, knowing that it was not a full sized, expensive machine. I read the reviews and understood what the drawbacks would be, and wanted to take a chance. The reviews were not bad at all, but I was still a bit reticent.

When it arrived I was able to assemble it myself, even though the pictures and instructions weren't the greatest. I mean really, assembling exercise equipment is not my forte. But I was able to do it - and I was happy about that. The worst part - trying to get the wire for the time clock thingy from the bottom of the stand through to the top and out a hole the size of a dime. That was hard but again, I did it.

Trying it out - I was very happy. It's actually quite versatile. You can step up and down as if the steps are only 2 inches high, or take the full size steps. You can point your toes straight ahead, to the center - or outward. You can go fast or slow. And I like it!

When I was exercising a lot back in the (omg) 80's - I had a treadmill, an exercise bike and a stepper. The treadmill died, the bike broke down and went out with the trash, and the stepper is still out in the garage. I loved that thing. But it's HUGE! I have a new treadmill, don't really want a bike, and now I have this little stepper which is light enough for me to pick up and move around the room - or from room to room if I want to. I have my yoga DVDs and I think I am pretty happy with my stuff now.

Apparently I am not able to just do one thing day after day after day. When I lost a bunch of weight by walking A LOT - it was because I was fueled by a lot of emotional turmoil. That doesn't exist now. I wish I had something pushing me that hard - but not that. So I think I may have found my niche.

We will see. Of course any of it requires me to get my butt off the couch. Follow through. So again, we will see.

Two and none.

Nope, no yoga tonight. I DID do the treadmill which is a good thing. But I was SO freaking mad as I did it - it was a good night for that kind of exercise. Read it here. My other blog. My main blog.




It made me so mad - I did really well on the treadmill!

Does twice count as a routine?

So - I did yoga again today. If you can call my bending and wheezing and lying flat on the floor unable to do another thing - yoga - then I did it. Saturday and Monday. TWICE!! What's sad is, it's yoga for "the young at heart." I'm not sure if they counted on somebody who is young at heart but fat in the middle. I think the thing I am having the most trouble with is all that breathing. Sheesh! This silver haired lady with no fat on her frame insists that people BREATHE while doing her contortions. That's HARD!

My body isn't quite in the Gumby mode yet, and I'm pretty sure nobody expected Gumby to take big deep breaths while pokey made him bend in half. Not sure what Pokey had in mind but that's for another day.

Anyway. I did it twice. Woo hoo. I think next time I won't eat a cup full of Pez right before hand, might keep me from starting to get nauseous halfway through. Although I'm thinking you probably shouldn't eat a cup full of Pez before doing ANYthing, but who am I?

How on earth .. ?

Cat puke. There is way more of it in my life than I am happy with. There were spots on the carpet where after I cleaned it up and the rug dried - there was still a stain. So today I knew I needed to clean those spots in the full light of day. I got a bucket and a sponge and mixed up a magical brew and started scrubbing. 15 minutes later I had effectively (I hope) cleaned about 7 different stains. I proceeded to get a roll of paper towels and throw wads on the wet spots and step on them until I got most of the moisture up. Almost used a whole roll! And of course my cat puked again while I was at it, but that's another story.

In all the process of getting the bucket, scrubbing, drying, and putting the bucket away and everything took MAYBE 25 minutes total. And that's giving myself the benefit of the doubt, it was probably less time than that. When I was walking out of the kitchen with the task complete - I was red in the face and my heart was pounding. From scrubbing spots on the rug. I'm beginning to think I may just up and have a heart attack if I suddenly start exercising one day!

As usual I have to ask myself how I let it get this way. What the hell??

I'm thinking ..

*

... it's always easier to exercise tomorrow, isn't it?


*

Slow metabolism? How about NO metabolism!!

I am disappointed and a bit disgusted. So what did I do? Ate half a box of mac n' cheese.

I have been doing pretty well with my salads and eating fresh fruit - Slimfast - but it seems to make no more difference to me than if I was eating all my meals at Taco Bell. It's at this point where I always say - to hell with it! I might as well eat the way I want to. I may be fat but at least I won't be miserable!

Unfortunately I know what it means. Exercise. Sigh-h-h. I know exercise will give me energy, speed up my metabolism, tighten everything up and everything good. But I need energy FIRST so I can start exercising. But it just doesn't work that way.

When I come home from work every day I am so exhausted and sleepy, I can't imagine working out. Even though I apparently bought some yoga DVD's under the influence of Ambien. I don't remember really but I think they are for older people or something. I don't know if I looked for yoga for fat people or not. My intentions are good, my discipline is not.

Are stuffed peppers diet food?

I don't cook. I mean barely. I hate my kitchen, there is no counter space, so even if I was a good or a natural cook - it would still suck to do it in that space. Anyway, it seems like lately I have been wanting to try different things so I have gotten the ingredients together and attempted a few dishes. Tonight - is stuffed peppers. I don't even like peppers. Yes, I am that absurd.

I was in the kitchen earlier in the day and I smelled something that reminded me of stuffed peppers. I have NO idea what that could have been but I try not to question the smells in my house too much. My MIL used to make stuffed cabbage and when I was still married and going over there for dinner sometimes, she would stuff a couple of peppers for me because I didn't like cabbage. I never actually ate the pepper, but I would eat the meat and rice it was stuffed with. Oh - and I used to eat the Stouffers frozen peppers. Again, just the insides.

Andy ran out to the store for me but didn't get back till damn near 5:30 - so we will be eating quite late. But - they're in the oven. I didn't find a weight watchers recipe which might have been the smart thing to do. I didn't try to make a vegetarian version or use turkey instead of beef. I went online and found a recipe that had the ingredients I thought would best mimic the stuffed peppers I have liked in the past.

peppers
ground sirloin
onions
bread crumbs
rice
tomato sauce
tomato soup

Of course salt and pepper, etc. Not a diet meal but my rationale is - I hardly ever cook and home cooked is always better for you than frozen or processed, so this is healthier for me. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

That may be one of my biggest problems - if I want something, I can always think of a way to justify it. Like - at least it's not a big meaty, cheesy lasagna! Mmm-m-m .. sounds good!

**Added later - Note to self: One stuffed pepper is always enough. One serving of everything else is always enough too. Ugh.

Patience is not MY virtue.

I know nothing is going to happen overnight, and if weight is going to stay off - it needs to come off slowly. And what I really need to do is just incorporate healthy changes into my diet and let the weight take care of itself. One day at a time.



This is what I am having for lunch tomorrow. It's what I have been having for a while now, topped with a combination of fat free and light dressing. I actually took 3 bottles of ranch dressing, 2 light, 1 fat free, and poured them into a pitcher. I mixed them all together and poured them back into their bottles. I just can't go totally fat free. But - I keep a bottle of my concoction at work in the fridge so it's there already, makes it easy. I've been craving eggs lately so tonight I hard boiled a couple and put some in my salad.

I have not given up my bagel for breakfast, sometimes with cream cheese, more often toasted with ordinary sliced American cheese. Sometimes I'll quick fry an egg in a pan with Pam and put that on there. Yum. During the day I usually eat an orange, my salad, a Slimfast, and a low fat yogurt. If I need one - I'll have a Slimfast for dinner.

Little by little I need to mix in other healthy foods, but for a while I just need to stick with what works. What I'm comfortable with. How about - what doesn't make me gag?

Why can't chocolate ice cream and dark chocolate candy bars be the healthy foods, while spinach and artichokes were evil? THEN the tables would be turned. All those "naturally thin" people would blimp up like the girl in Willy Wonka who ate the blueberries. Or whatever it was. And us "full-figured" gals would slim down.

You know what would happen then? Fat would become the newest and most glamorous thing out there! Of course. For once I wouldn't mind swimming against the stream!

Tomorrow is the day.

The big 5 - 0 day. 50. Years old. Now I'm wondering if maybe I should have gotten a matching tattoo with my daughter. She wants to, I kind of felt like I was done with that. My BF doesn't want me too, I don't know. But anyway! I have been doing quite well with my diet, actually. My daughter was up from school with her fiance' Friday night, leaving late on Saturday. We went to dinner for my birthday, I ate a chicken breast with rice. Half of it, actually. Then the server brought me a little ice cream birthday thingy, I ate a little but kind of gave the rest to Dan and Dani. I did have 2 yummy cupcakes when we got home, and another one for breakfast on Sunday. But I made Dani take the rest with them so they wouldn't be here. I would have eaten every last one of them.

I have 2 days off work, today and tomorrow. Not sure what I am going to do on my birthday. I think Andy is working. BF wants to do something with food and I am really tempted to splurge and have some ribs, but I don't know. That's tomorrow.

Part of me (MOST of me) wants results right away. NOW. But it doesn't really work that way, at least not for any kind of lasting results. I keep thinking that tomorrow being my 50th birthday I should start some kind of exercise program, something I can start slowly and work up to. I have a Yoga for Dummies DVD, maybe I will try that. Maybe maybe maybe. Why don't I commit to anything for goodness sakes?

Something else I do differently because I'm fat.

I won't shop at certain places. Places where I may run into people from a previous life. When I was thin. Thinner. All the people who would tell the exBF - wow you should see how fat she is! Or him - his son works there, he shops there, I can hear him now "geez, have another sandwich, will ya???" His favorite thing to say when he saw his ex-wife of anyone else he felt like disparaging. One of his stock of sarcastic remarks used to poke fun. Fun. Ahem. That's why I avoid seeing him. Because of all the fun.

So grocery shopping has become a major endeavor for me. Something I hate to begin with but now it involves going to one store but never getting comfortable there so trying another one. But seeing the exBF there and driving away without ever going inside. Going back to the uncomfortable store and getting as much as I can that I need from there. Just don't like that store.

It's funny too because that's the town I want to move back to. My home town. But I guess I figure by the time I can do that - I'll be thin again, right? Yeah. Or dead I suppose.

Actually doing quite well sticking to my diet. Don't get excited though, I'm still fat.