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co-worker came to visit my little cubby/office/room to tell me he had just resigned. Circumstances beyond his control forced his hand, and he is leaving. Forces having nothing to do with work. Suffice it to say he does not want to leave but his personal life requires him to right now.ANYWAY! Can't I ever use just a couple of words? No. I should be used to my wordiness by now. So he came to tell me he was leaving and it made me very sad. Not only is he leaving, but tomorrow is his last day!
Have you ever had a new person start in your office, who you just knew was not going to fit in? And conversely, someone new who seemed to fill a gap you didn't know you had and just "got you" right from the get-go? Yeah, that's him. The 2nd one. A twinkle in his eye and fancy square toed shoes, a Latin dancer with a heart of gold. I will miss him bunches.
As I was talking to this guy/co-worker/friend - my brother called and left a message on my phone. My brother lives in New Jersey, and my mom lives with him. He is actually ill himself, but my mother wanted to live with "a man in the house" because you know, if the hot water heater goes out, he will know what to do. I didn't say it made sense.
He told me that mom has been falling down on a daily basis and she is starting to hurt herself. It's getting to the point that when he leaves for work he worries about what he will find when he gets home. It is time to discuss our next step. Brother #1 told me that brother #2 is visiting him and Mom right now, and apparently does not want to talk about "the next step. He says "oh but she'll be sad, she'll get depressed . . " and is coming up with all kinds of reasons not to even think about her living anywhere but where she is now. Considering HE lives in Seattle - all the freaking way across the country - it's easy for him to sit in his home thinking (hoping, wishing) that my mom is just fine alone all day when in reality she is probably going bing! bing! BING! And ricocheting around brother #1's house all day like it's
a pinball machine.Here's the kicker - brother #2? - he's actually the oldest of us. Eldest? Whatever. He is 60 years old and he wants to sit back and just imagine his mother is the same woman she always was. Well she's not. Time to grow up. Believe me, I would love to think my mom was aging gracefully and will be able to take care of herself until the day she dies. But it's not happening that way and we all have to put our big kid panties on and deal with it. It's irresponsible to ignore the fact that she may fall down, hurt herself, and could possibly have to lay in the same spot for hours until my brother gets home from work. Something she fears a lot, something happening and no one being there to help. She has her button - she can push it and get help fairly quickly, but it's simply getting to the point where she needs more than a button. We. Have. To. Address. It. Not a single one of us can stay home all day and take care of her. And not a single one of us is married (anymore) either. Hmmm, can you say dysfunctional?
So - I had to stop and pick up a prescription on my way home, and who can blame me for picking up some donut holes? Um. . . and a BabyRuth. That's it, I swear. But I AM going for a walk tonight. I'm an emotional eater, my weight is doomed.
I'm cross-posting this on my regular blog, by the way. Some may say this post probably would have fit there better anyway, but I hadn't posted here in a week and I DID mention my weight so I thought it fit here too. It's a stretch, but it's my story and I'm sticking to it!
4 comments:
Oh, big hugs! The whole parental issue is just so hard. My mother, who lives clear across the country, lives alone and I worry every day. Plus she has crappy doctors (IMO) and that doesn't help.
Have you considered adult day care? She might even like it if she can be with other people during the day.
And I can't blame you for the Baby Ruth. Although I would have had a Butterfinger. :)
Yep, looking into it now, thanks!
So sorry. My brother and I went through this several years ago with my mom. She wanted to stay in her house, alone, but she kept falling and refused to wear her "button". Well, she did have a bad fall. When she finally came to she was able to wriggle over to her machine and push the button on that to get help but it scared the shit out of all of us. It took a full court press from my brother and I to finally get her to consider moving into an assisted care facility. It was one of the more emotional events in all of our lives. It wasn't ideal—she still missed her home—but she met lots of new people and she stayed pretty busy and had help whenever she wanted it.
She did actually die three years ago at age 90. She was at a luau at the facility. She had a lei around her neck and a cocktail in her hand (it was a pretty nice assisted care facility) when she had a stroke and never regained consciousness. I decided then and there that's how I want to go.
I don't envy what you and your brothers are going through (or your mom, for that matter.) Just remember, no solution will be perfect. Good luck.
Tricia - your Mom went the way I want to go - with a lei at a luau and with a cocktail in her hand. You couldn't write a better ending.
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