. . . and then I will live happily ever after.

It's easy to think that if only I were thin again, I would be happy.  I wouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed of how I look, I would be more willing to put myself out there and risk being the center of attention.  I wouldn't feel the need to hide when I saw an old boyfriend, and on and on.  Well a lot of that is true.  But weight loss alone cannot make anyone happy.  It's a tool and it's all in how you use it.  Look at the picture below, at all the maladies made worse by obesity.  And look at the percentages of improvement!

My doctor says I am borderline enough that if I lose weight I will no longer be considered diabetic.  That's HUGE for me.  And if the reason I am tired all the time is because I have sleep apnea and that is resolved to some degree, that would be incredible too.  Oh to wake up actually feeling like I slept!  So to me at this point, the health factor is actually more important than the cosmetic part.

I would be lying if I said I didn't want to feel attractive again.  I do!  I do!  Raising my hand and copping to that!  But as I've mentioned to several people - my dad and his brother both had strokes before they died.  I am terrified of that.  I need to take care of myself as well as possible and I've come to the realization that since I have been heavy in my life, my body wants to be heavy and those fat cells will always be screaming to be fed.  So I need help with that.  I need help to get to a point where I can do yoga - which I enjoy - and not experiencing my belly getting in the way.  I would love to be able to go out and walk - without feeling like people are looking at me.  And oh my gosh I would love the aches in my joints to lesson and the discomfort of extra weight to be gone.  I need help with it and I am going to take that path.  And I am excited to be doing it.