Brain school

I wrote on my regular blog (is this one irregular?) or maybe I should say my original blog, about doing Wii Fit today. It was quite fun actually, I was surprised. I created my own little Mii character that got chubby when it figured my weight and BMI and declared me obese. That wasn't the best feeling, but it didn't berate me or make me feel stupid, so it wasn't too bad.

First I did some Wii sports, a bit of tennis and bowling, and then on to the Wii fit. The stepping was funny, they have these little Mii characters as if we're all in a step aerobics class together and you can follow them - or the foot-print diagram that scrolls down the center of the screen. I found I could not do it at ALL if I tried to follow the foot-prints. But when I watched the Mii on the right I did pretty well. I did better front to back than side to side. It was fun, I was laughing at myself and I did it several times. The hula-hooping is a bit weird but I tell you what - you use more stomach muscles and leg muscles than you would think. In the running I was queen, I got 4 stars and a crown, and I beat my 23 year old daughter's score. SCORE!!

If I keep eating the way I have been, and actually do some Wii and maybe some walking besides, I just might be able to pull this off. Slowly. You don't keep it off if you lose it too fast so my plan is to concentrate more on what I am doing for my health with diet and exercise, and have the weight loss be the lovely side-effect. BONUS! Just trying to change the mind-set again. It's all about my brain. I always thought it was all about the food, all about the exercise. It's all about my brain.

I must retrain the brain!

One foot in front of the other . .

Yesterday, not such a good day. Bad day at work on Friday, hit a bump with the boyfriend, 5-minute chocolate cake called my name.

What surprised me was hopping right back on the right road this morning. Had some peanut butter toast for breakfast with lots of sticks and stones, and later - lunch/dinner - sweet potato and green beans with almonds and FF ranch dressing. My hours are bad on the weekend so my mealtimes get kind of squished together. But I'm still not in a good mood so to instinctively reach for healthier stuff today is a wonderful thing.

My butt muscles hurt!

 

One day playing Wii tennis and I’m sore.  Not as sore as I thought I might be but still sore.  Won’t be long now till I look like this!!!

 

 

Yeah.  Right.    

A tennis player I'm not.

But I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night . . .!

Ahem. My son and I set up our new Wii last night. He started testing out the games that came with it, the sports - tennis,bowling,baseball, somethin', somethin' else. He was enjoying himself last night so I never tried it. My theory here is - I'm going to treat it like a game. None of it is working out, that has the word "work" in it. It's fun!

So tonight I decided to try some games. I have opened Wii Fit but it is still in the box. Taking this slow so it's enjoyable. I bowled for a bit and that was okay. I created a "Mii" character so it looks like me, um . . . yeah. Then I played tennis. And I played more tennis. And before I knew it - 45 minutes had gone by, I literally had sweat dripping into my eyes, and my heart rate was up. But I didn't feel like I was exercising. It. Was. FUN!!! And the sweat dripping into my eyes had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that is was about 85 degrees and humid in my house. Nothing at all.

Okay so I suck at tennis. But I kept trying and actually won a couple of games. And I found myself acting like I was playing tennis for real - shifting my weight from foot to foot waiting for the guy to serve, moving from side to side in anticipation of where the ball was going to go, etc. And it's pretty funny watching my funny chubby little Mii doing a face plant trying to hit a ball that was obviously out of reach. I guess my little Mii is more like me than I thought.

So it's a good thing I enjoyed it. I'm hoping to do a lot more of this so I can keep myself from sitting on the couch as much as I do now! And I WILL get to the Wii Fit. I will. I promise.

Maybe I'm a pod person!

I didn't think it was unusual to have a baked sweet potato with a side of green beans for dinner a couple nights ago. When I stopped at the store to pick up some bread - wanted a snack and instead of chocolate or Good n' Plenty, I bought nuts and dates. It is becoming more natural to reach for the natural as opposed to the processed, fresh as opposed to frozen. RAW even. I wasn't raised this way. I didn't raise my kids this way (sorry kids!).

It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's not a diet. It's a freaking way of life.

Is it possible that this becomes easier? Is it possible I am being dragged into the world of real food kicking and screaming, but I'm getting there? Is it possible I am getting used to it? Nah! I wouldn't go that far yet. We are talking about 50 years of - if it is tasty - I will eat it. 50 years of - if it is convenient - I will eat it. And let us not forget 50 years of - if it is fast - I will eat it. Lord I have to have learned something in all those years!!!

And I've been drinking more water too. Go figure.

90% emotional, 10% physical

For some unknown reason I was reading the "about me" text in my sidebar. That name - Ken Cooper, always jumps out at me. Kids are cruel and they have no idea what their words can do, especially to a kid that was insecure to begin with. That incident occurred shortly after my parents divorced. It was 1972 I believe, and none of my friend's parents were divorced. Once my parents sat me down and told me it was going to happen, we never talked about it again. I don't even know how my friends found out because I don't remember telling them.

My dad got remarried before the divorce was even final, and I found out when I was riding in the car with him and his wife - when in conversation with her - he referred to her as his wife. Thanks for telling me Dad. On the night my parents told me about the divorce my dad came into my bedroom where I had retreated and I remember him sitting on the edge of my bed and telling me he'd still be my dad and he'd come see me and we'd do things together. Well that didn't last long. Especially after he got remarried. I was always a Daddy's girl and I couldn't understand why he didn't come to see me. I was too big to sit on his lap anymore, but he promised to come see me. Didn't he?

So in 7th grade I had a lot of things I was dealing with. Not that Ken Cooper knew that. But I never teased him about having a silver front tooth after he had almost knocked his tooth out on the metal monkey bars on the playground a few years earlier. Why did he have to tease me?

Okay, I'm an adult now. I cannot blame Ken Cooper or my Dad for my weight. Or my ex husband or last boyfriend or a friend who betrayed me. I have to blame me and I have to get a handle on it. But I have a feeling that for me - I need to work on the emotional aspect of this problem way more than anything else. That's what is making this so hard for me.

I hope that doesn't sound like an excuse because when it comes down to it - that's my reality.

Out of control

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug (MicroSafe)

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
Pour in the milk and oil and mix well..
Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.
The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!
Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
EAT ! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).
And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?
Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!



Oh yes I did. Sigh-h . . .

Acupuncture, maybe?

While sitting at my desk at work going along with my usual business, I realized I was looking forward to eating my lunch. I found myself looking at the clock to see what time it was, if it was too early or if I could eat yet.

Then I realized, I wasn't hungry.

That didn't totally startle me but it did upset me a bit when I also realized I was craving something. I wasn't sure what it was but there was a craving that my mind was leading to my lunch to fulfill.

I wanted a cigarette.



Is it possible that after 6 or 7 years I still may be craving cigarettes? I know I smoked for a long time, and when someone is smoking near me sometimes I don't mind it at all - dare I say - it smells good to me? It's already been established pretty definitely that I am an emotional eater. I reward myself for good things with food. I console myself for bad things, with food. If I'm bored, food is my friend. But cigarettes? I have not consciously recognized a craving for a cigarette in a long time.

Geez, I think I'm going to have to get my head shrunk to lose weight! But no, then I'll just be a fat girl with a tiny head! Not the look I'm going for.

Just more stuff to think about.

** spunkysuzi - not sure why you are having trouble adding to your reader, I DO notice that the feeds symbol is not up in the address bar like it is for my other blogs, but I can't seem to figure it out. I'm really persistent about figuring things out so I am still looking at it. :)
Still - you should be able to add my feed to your google reader manually - hope it works!

Feed URL:

http://fattofifty.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

Mmmm ... BabyRuth...

I'm trying to get past my tantrum. I certainly know that I am looking at this in a way that is not productive. I need to stop seeing it as a diet and start looking at it as a ... wait for it ... LIFESTYLE CHANGE (spoken in loud, low, stentorian tones). Sigh. I hate that phrase.

I am not patient. That's the main reason I go back to my bad habits quickly when the good ones don't work fast enough (read - BabyRuths 3 days in a row). I have been putting a lot of effort into eating the right things, making sure I eat the right things together and eating at the right times so I keep a level sugar balance all day and I don't have the ups and the downs like I always have. To me this. is. work. It is something I am totally unaccustomed to and I find it to be difficult. So when I don't get the desired results quickly enough I turn into a 4 year old, stamping my feet and saying "I don't care! Doesn't matter anyway!" And start reaching for the nearest candy bar.

Maybe I need to reevaluate what result I am looking for. Is it only weight loss? No, it's more than that. But weight loss to me is HUGE. Pardon the HUGENESS. My blood pressure is a bit high? My doctor says "you can control it by losing weight." My glucose is high? My doctor says "you can control it by losing weight." My cholesterol, my triglycerides are high and my doctor says "you can control it by losing weight." So it's not just looking cute again that's important. Although I'm not sure "cute" applies when you're 50. Still, it IS important to me. And apparently just eating the right foods is not going to make me healthy until I also lose weight.

So what now? I haven't been exercising as much as I should. UGH. There. I said it. I KNOW! I KNOW!!! Do I have any volunteers to do it FOR me???

Is it possible I'm eating too many sticks and stones and vegetables and fruit? Maybe I need to walk 4.2 miles a day and only eat bird seed. And no, I'm not bitter. (queue maniacal laughter)

Why is this such an issue for me?? This is the one area in my life where I cannot get control, cannot wrap my arms around it and make it be what I want it to be. That's a very uncomfortable feeling.

So.

Here is the question. If I am eating this,

..and this,

..and this...

..and this...

..and this

...and I can still be fat, and I can still not lose weight ...

why wouldn't I just eat this?

..and this...

..and this...

..and this...

..and this!!!!

I mean, really.

I don't have a hell of a lot of patience.

Putting the laptop to work!

I wanted to find a way to use my laptop while on the treadmill. It seems TV is not interesting enough, music doesn’t keep me moving for any length of time at all, and the thing that has had me sitting on my butt for the last year really needs to help me reduce the size of that butt.

Okay, excuse the cat toys and the step stool jury rigged – but eh? EH? Pat me on the back and call me genius. :)

I’ve posted this before

Not sure where. But suffice it to say the things in this mosaic are a big reason I have trouble getting my weight under control.

It all looks so GOOD!

Unimportant things . . .

I've been tagged by Cynthia at A Shimmy In My Spirit! She's the lovely lady I won the sweet canvas wrapped print from. :)


* List Six Unimportant Things That Make You Happy.
* Mention and link to the person who tagged you.
* Tag six of your favorite bloggers to play along, and comment on their blog to let them know they've been tagged.


I found it intriguing that it was the UNimportant things I should list. Hmm-m-m.

1) How comfy my bed feels when a tired me climbs in at night.

2) Coming home from work and seeing my lawn has been cut, knowing my neighbors might put up with me for a while longer.

3) Cheese. 'Nuff said.

4) My cats letting me sleep in on the weekend. Not that they do ...

5) Beads. I love pretty beads. Mm-m-m ... tourmaline ..

6) My soaps. Now some would argue that because I tape them and watch all the episodes on the weekend that they ARE important to me. But really? Not important. Just enjoyable mindless entertainment. And there is only one show - I'm just in the habit of saying soap(s) from when I used to watch more than one.

Now since I don't usually play by the rules (and since this is not my main blog and doesn't have a huge readership - okay - neither does my main blog!) I will just say that - anybody who reads this - please play along! And you can even follow the rules if you want to!