I'm tired.

So tired.  Every time I leave one of those conditioning torture sessions I feel good, glad I did it, happy I was moving and huffing and puffing.  But every day I come home from work the LAST thing I want to do is exercise.  I want so badly to get a really good night's sleep, I cannot tell you.  I used to be such a great sleeper it just really makes me sad to fail at it now.  And it makes me tired.

The sleep study showed mild apnea when in non-REM sleep, most apnea occurs when you are in REM sleep.  I didn't get any REM sleep that night.  Not incredibly surprising.  So a second sleep study is needed, this time with a sleep medicine to help me get to that deeper stage of sleep.

I don't care if I end up sleeping with one of those machines hooked up to my face, as long as I can sleep.  I crawl out of bed each morning, go feed the cats, take my meds, make a cup of tea, put my underwear and robe in the bathroom for after my shower and take my cup of tea into my bedroom and set it next to my makeup mirror.  Instead of turning right around and going to take my shower, I lay down again and close my eyes, luxuriating in the very idea of blissfully drifting off again.  If I didn't need my job so badly I would be late every. single. day.  Even after my shower I do not feel awake.

So if anything at all comes out of this weight loss surgery journey, I will be forever grateful if it is finding the key to getting a good night's rest again.