I know, I know, I know ...

M-M-m-m-m ..

Ahem.  Hi.  My name is BetteJo and I own this blog.  If anyone ever actually owns anything on the internet, I own this.  But I have been away.  Could it be guilt?  Maybe.  Surprising how difficult this is turning out to be.  Insurance wants me to lose weight before they will approve surgery.  But if losing weight was easy - surgery wouldn't be needed!  Gah.

How many times have I discussed emotional eating?  And how many times in the last month or 2 did I say - well - I deserve to have this - what if I can't eat this after surgery?  It's bizarre.  I haven't been totally stuffing my face every single day, but neither have I been depriving myself.  Oh no.  Matter of fact for almost a week straight I ate a grilled cheese sandwich every single day.  Soft, mushy, carb laden bread, butter, frying pan and CHEESE.  Yum!  If that was all I ate on those days it wouldn't be so bad.  But usually it came at the end of an otherwise food-filled day.

FAIL.

And the amazing thing is I can feel the spiral - like the skin on my face is stretched back because the G's are so great as I spiral down to earth.  SPLAT!  Soon, anyway.  And I am having to fight with everything I have to break this pattern.

So - ugh - the ultimate control device - writing it all down.  All of it.  Being honest on paper and making the resolution to bring it with to my next doctor's appointment - having LOST weight on this visit.  Which might mean I had gained at the last visit, but I'm not saying.

I start today.

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