When I started this..

When I started this blog it was closed to anyone but me. Because even though I intended to try to lose weight before I turned 50 years old, I also knew I would be whining a lot about how hard it is to get up off the couch and get ON the treadmill after work when I am so damn tired all the time. I didn't want to deal with people telling me - well once you start to exercise the energy will come from that, you'll see. I know that already. Still doesn't get me off the couch.

I didn't want anyone telling be to "go for it" regarding ANYTHING I was talking about, or diet I was trying, etc. I just wanted to come here and say what I wanted without worrying about what my commentors might think or say, to feel free to talk about how badly I feel about myself right now - without feeling it necessary to differentiate how I DO feel good about myself in other ways, just not physicially. If no one is reading except me - I could write and whine and be completely unlikable and it wouldn't matter.

So I'm not linking this blog to my others, although I'm sure people may notice it attached to my profile, but I'm not LOOKING for people to find it. If they do - fine. If not - that's fine too. This blog is about me, my struggles, my frustrations, and my inability to get my ass in control at this point in my life. Not sure why it's so hard now - but it is.

But I haven't given up yet. We will see what happens but - my birthday is coming up really quick now, and I am nowhere close to my goal. AT ALL. Pisses me off. At least I'm not blaming anyone other than myself cause damn-it - it's only my fault. Makes me mad that I am so damn weak.