I really hate to whine

But why can't I get myself to do anything? I mean really, anything??? I sit here all full and disgusted with myself after eating McDonalds and having done nothing except one load of laundry ALL day. It's so easy to look at healthy recipes and think that tomorrow, yes tomorrow I will start eating well and tomorrow I will put on the pedometer and start keeping track of how much I move.

But I never do.

When I lay down to go to sleep every night I inevitably pull my knee up and feel my belly against it. My belly is not supposed to be there. When laying on my side I lay my hand on the front of my waist except the IS no waist, and the front of me is so big I could easily pass for pregnant.

My daughter was so concerned when we went shopping for clothes that I hated myself. I don't think I hate myself but I DO hate the way I look and the way I feel and even more than those things - I hate my lack of ability to do anything about it all.

I joined an online diet site called SPARK. No idea if I will be committed to it any more than anything else. Makes me feel - more of a failure to fail in front of other people. I don't know, time will tell.