In order for this to be a success, there is something I have to do.

My weight has fluctuated a lot for almost 30 years.  The big gain was when I was pregnant with my son and although that weight was lost - it was gained and lost several times after that.  But the biggest and most consistent gain came when - I'm sorry Honey - my boyfriend bought me a laptop.

Before that time I shared a desktop computer with my son and it was simply not possible for me to be on it all the time.  Eventually my son got his own laptop so I would have had more access, but the portability of the laptop did me in.  It was too easy to park it in front of the couch on a TV tray or after that - a small computer station on wheels.  And that's where I sat.  Where I am sitting right now.

It is doubtful I will go back to a tower and monitor.  But what I need to do is park my laptop at a desk and make sure it stays there.  Because once I come home from work I park myself in front of the TV and laptop and that's where I stay.  Not much housework gets done and not nearly enough projects get finished and certainly - very little exercise takes place.

Things cannot continue like this if I am to be successful in losing the weight I need and want to lose.  The lap band is a tool.  It's not a magic bullet and it's not going to make things better all by itself.  And I know me - I cannot imagine that I will always be perfect with my diet no matter how hard I strive to be.  So things need to change so more physical movement will be added to my day, every day.

Being aware of this issue for a long time has not been enough.  Now I have to make the changes, and I am willing to do it.  I have to.

Surgery

Tentatively scheduled for August 24th.  Well, it IS scheduled for August 24th.  But on Tuesday I have to have an upper GI, chest x-ray, EKG and blood work and if anything is wrong - scratch surgery on the 24th.  Found out during my ultrasound the other day that I have gallstones which I imagine I will discuss with the surgeon on the 19th when I see him.  Was somewhat surprised but why?  I've had kidney stones, why not gallstones?  The difference is the gallstones have been silent, no symptoms so I don't think I have to do anything about them.  But - we will see what the doc says.  I have been on the protein shake meal replacement diet for a week now, and surprise surprise, don't think I've lost any weight.  Makes me wonder if surgery will help either, but what the hell.  I'm going to do it and I'm going to try to change the way I do things, pay attention to hunger vs. emotional or mindless eating, things like that.

Onward.

**Just re-read this and realized how flippant it sounds.  I really am putting a lot of thought and effort into this. I know I have to change my habits and even more importantly - my mindset.  I am aware, and I am working on it.  I am a work in progress.

Pins and needles .. needles and pins

When did I begin this journey?  Was it January or February?  Not sure, not really important.  My insurance company required that this fat girl jump through a ton of hoops before I would ever find out whether or not I would be approved for the surgery.  Some of the hoops were required by the surgeon.  I have not been lucky enough to have everything covered and have been shelling out the money for what insurance did not pay.  It's been so long.  Finally, the paperwork went to the insurance company and I sat on pins and needles - and waited.

Yesterday the surgeon's office called and told me I had been denied for in-patient surgery.  I wanted to cry.  NO!  That's not what I said, not sure what words came out of my mouth.  Then the gal said - so we are resubmitting for out-patient.  Her tone of voice wasn't encouraging and I was afraid to ask what the chances were that they would turn around and approve me with that change.  I was terrified to hear her answer.

Today I saw that number come up on my phone when it rang.  Again I was afraid.  It seemed better to not know.  But - I'm glad I answered!

Some things are worth waiting for.

SO. FREAKING. LONG!

Oh my gosh everyone said this process would just fly by.  Um .. NOT.  Finally finished my 6 month supervised diet where I lost a whopping 11 lbs proving how bad I am at dieting .. and now is when the insurance company gets all the paperwork and I get approved, right?

Not so fast!

There is that little detail of the clearance from my primary care physician - phone call made - check!  But oh my - apparently the diet, stress test, 2 sleep tests, acquiring a cpap machine, a lap band class and a dietary evaluation are not enough!  Next comes the upper GI and the chest x-ray!  Well actually, those only happen when I know I am approved.  If I am approved.  I also threw a pap and exam and a mammogram in there for good measure, and hopefully I am approved because my doc wanted me to have a chest x-ray anyway - being an ex-smoker like I am.

Whew.  No idea this was going to take so long.

Renee, the gal I started all this with who has different insurance and beat me to the surgery table by at least 3 months has already lost 50 lbs!  I am so jealous.

Please, Please, PLEASE let's get moving!!!

Impatient much?

Maybe, but it really has been a long time.

Sigh-h-h ...