I see fat people

The girl at work I share an office/room with is one of those naturally thin people who likes healthy food and enjoys being active. She is older than I am and definitely has some personality .. uh .. quirks. She tends to be a bit superior in her attitude and I try to balance her out somewhat. I have been known to call her on some of the things she says and we have had some spirited debates.

But today she let slip an attitude she has managed to keep in check since we have started to work together so closely. Speaking about Oprah, who I really don't like but in this case an easy target - "Oh well Oprah has NO excuse!" She was speaking about her weight. Almost as soon as she said it she started to back peddle with "she doesn't have a thyroid problem" (she knows I take thyroid meds), "she has a personal trainer ..." and she would have kept going but I held up my hand and just said "Stop. Drop it." And I proceeded to talk about something else.

Now I know this gal would not hurt me on purpose. It was as if she forgets I'm heavy because she doesn't see me that way so much as she just sees me as me. If that makes any sense. But for some reason this struck me and I wanted to cry. There is so much disdain for people who are overweight. It's our fault. We're gluttons or lazy, pigs and slobs.

God knows I make bad choices. I've written about self control and emotional issues. But I was angry because she has never been there. HERE. And people who have never been overweight have no idea what it's like, how it happens, or how it feels once you're here. I vented to a friend that my co-worker has a white picket fence life with the perfect husband and child and home, she is respected for her intelligence and knowledge in her job, but she does not know what it means to turn to food for comfort or as a reward or even as a companion. She has no idea what it's like to see a thin person eat a danish for breakfast, fast food for lunch, have a big dinner with dessert and not exercise ever - knowing that if you ate the same way you would be twice their size.

I am not defending where I am in my physical size and health right now. It sucks. I blame myself enough, I do not need someone else judging me too! And they do. Every single day.