I'm a slow learner

So, falling off the wagon (and letting it roll over me) has been a crash course in all things fast food related, grease dipped, and dairy laden. My daughter was home last weekend and we ordered pizza. We ordered a Sicilian stuffed pizza which had so much cheese there were literally puddles of it on the cardboard. It was wondrous and disgusting all at the same time. Paper bags, plastic cups and straws fill my garbage.



And I FEEL like crap.

When I was eating hardly anything processed, almost all fresh and natural foods I did not feel perfect. But the GI problems that have plagued me most of my life were reduced to the lowest point of aggravation since I was a kid. This last week I have had constant belly aches, nausea, headaches off and on, and fatigue like nobodies business. Just overall crappy.

I am kind of amazed actually that the change has been so dramatic. Changing to healthy food was a gradual process so I didn't notice anything overnight. I knew there were changes but not like when I reversed the processed and dove (dived?) head first into a fast food cesspool. Proof positive that it's not. only. about. losing. weight.

How many times have I said that? It's a lifestyle change, not a diet. It's a lifestyle change, not a diet. Why can't I integrate that into my brain so that I don't stomp my feet like a little kid when I don't lose a few pounds and head right back to Taco Bell?? Grr-r-r-r !!!! And the thing is - I'm not ready to head back yet. Even though I know I'll feel better, even though I know it's better for my heart, my sugar, my overall health, I'm not ready to turn it back around again. Ugh.

I'm not sure why. But . . did I mention it's a lifestyle change and not a diet?

I didn't just fall off the wagon . .

. . I let it run over me too! I'm talking eating well all day long at work because I pack my lunch and make sure I have a healthy snack for mid-morning, a healthy lunch, and a healthy snack for mid-afternoon. But then coming home from work and eating something ba-a-a-a-a-d which in my mind equals yummy!

I'm talking pizza, enchiladas, hamburgers, Chinese food, and basically anything else I want! And you know what? I haven't gained any weight. I know, right? I'm going to repeat that. I HAVEN'T GAINED ANY WEIGHT.

So what does this say to someone like me? My brain says - well hell - it's not hurting me, why eat all this food with no fat and no sugar and no yummy when I can stay the same weight eating all that bad (GOOD!!!) stuff??

Ugh. I have to stop it. I need to listen to my freaking brain and do what I know is good for me because even if I haven't gained any weight, I very well could be gaining plaque in my arteries, and pushing my glucose up again, etc. So I have to commit to exercise. I know I keep saying this but it is the hardest thing for me.

An hour a day. Even if I do it in 10 minute increments during the day. I have to make the promise to myself and just do it.

Sometimes I feel like I am the only person out here who whines about not being able to do this! I read blogs belonging to women who set their minds to changing their lifestyle and they do it. They write about HOW they did it, give tips and tell what they are doing to maintain their healthy changes. I haven't run across too many places where somebody writes about falling face first into a buttercream frosted cake and feeling like a loser. Maybe because it's a drag to read about and certainly not inspiring for anyone else. Blech.

Okay. Well, an hour a day. Exercise of some type, whether it's playing Wii tennis, climbing on my mini-stepper, going for a walk or (hat-tip to Cynthia) dancing in my kitchen. I'm the only one who can do it, right? Yeah, I know.

** Added - or over 10,000 steps - if I can just remember to grab my pedometer.