Wherein this becomes the bitter blog

I wrote about it on my regular blog. My visit to the doctor last week didn't offer me a lot of relief from my chronic fatigue to my fatness. That 400 lb purple elephant in the room. Ugh. He ended up giving me diet pills again. I've probaby never given them a good chance before. He also gave me water pills. So now I have pills for depression, pills for thyroid, pills for water, pills for dieting. Oh wait - pills for sleeping too! Woo hoo!

And what did I land upon this morning while flipping channels? Some show going into details about why diet pills don't work. Ai yi yi. Like I don't have enough excuses!

Tonight I told my daughter I would not be coming down to see her in the Vajay-jay monologies. The role she has this year is just too weird for a mom. For this mom anyway. And that's the truth. But how much does the fat enter into it? How much do I just not want to be seen like this? I am truly starting to get angry about it. Angry with myself.

About the thing the fat interferes with. Today is the 2nd day on the diet pill. Had a bagel for breakfast and some fresh pineapple later. Really nothing after that. I know starving myself is not the answer but I need to lose some weight to feel comfortable to start exercizing.

I hate even talking about any of this. When I say it out loud - failing at it hurts more.