I'm tired.

So tired.  Every time I leave one of those conditioning torture sessions I feel good, glad I did it, happy I was moving and huffing and puffing.  But every day I come home from work the LAST thing I want to do is exercise.  I want so badly to get a really good night's sleep, I cannot tell you.  I used to be such a great sleeper it just really makes me sad to fail at it now.  And it makes me tired.

The sleep study showed mild apnea when in non-REM sleep, most apnea occurs when you are in REM sleep.  I didn't get any REM sleep that night.  Not incredibly surprising.  So a second sleep study is needed, this time with a sleep medicine to help me get to that deeper stage of sleep.

I don't care if I end up sleeping with one of those machines hooked up to my face, as long as I can sleep.  I crawl out of bed each morning, go feed the cats, take my meds, make a cup of tea, put my underwear and robe in the bathroom for after my shower and take my cup of tea into my bedroom and set it next to my makeup mirror.  Instead of turning right around and going to take my shower, I lay down again and close my eyes, luxuriating in the very idea of blissfully drifting off again.  If I didn't need my job so badly I would be late every. single. day.  Even after my shower I do not feel awake.

So if anything at all comes out of this weight loss surgery journey, I will be forever grateful if it is finding the key to getting a good night's rest again.

There's an app for that!

On my main blog I wrote about doing a sleep study soon.  It's required before you can have weight loss surgery and I really do think it's cool.  But since I had to go off Ambien because it heightened my shopping proclivities, ahem, I wake up every day feeling like I haven't slept at all.

So me being me, I had to find out on my own.  There's an app for that!  It's pretty cool, you can set it to start recording right away or a couple of hours after you go to sleep.  It is sound activated so it doesn't just record for hours and hours even when nothing is going on.  I've tried it a couple of times and well ... I have no idea what I'm listening to.

I trained myself as a teenager to breathe through my nose when I'm sleeping.  It had to do with napping with my boyfriend and not wanting to drool on his shoulder or chest.  I'm sure I don't succeed all the time but from the way it sounds - I do - most of the time.  And I snore through my nose.  It sounds like it's hard to breathe, it reminds me of how my mom would breathe when she was having a breathing episode, like someone with emphysema or asthma.  It's a little like a goose quietly honking in his sleep.  Attractive, huh?

But I have no idea whether or not what I'm hearing is normal or not.  Self diagnosis is apparently not my strong suit and God knows I am not rooting for a Cpap machine.  On the other hand if I do have sleep apnea, it would help me be approved for weight loss surgery.  It's not something you can fake and it's not something I can know on my own.

But if I do have sleep apnea, and weight loss surgery helps me get a good night's sleep - BONUS!!!  And a BIG bonus at that.  I would love to know what it feels like to wake up energized or at least - rested.  I guess I'll find out.